Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

I Feel So Secure

I’m pretty sure Harper plans on taking over the tampon industry, Pumpkins. He keeps harping about security and, as we all know from commercials, there’s nothing more important to women than feeling secure. (Makers such as Kotex are on top of this, Pumpkins. They directly target this line of defense with a trademarked “Security” brand.)

It’s all fine for them, but where does that leave us estrogen lacking Canadians? Exposed to the ravages of terrorism without a wad of cotton?

Thank god for Bill C-51. It goes way beyond stopping leakage, dahrlings. Your client can end up on a no- fly list for protesting the Keystone pipeline. The feds recognize it starts there and next thing you know those ‘green’ types are exploring beheading techniques. Thank goodness you can’t pull the mini-pad over Stevie’s eyes.

In fact, he’s against any kind of face covering. And once again, I must say that I feel much safer knowing he is overturning a Supreme Court decision and not allowing veiled women to take the Canadian oath. Lord knows what they are hiding under there besides their nose.

 





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