Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

There Is Nothing To Fear But Facebook Itself

Just because someone dresses like Archie instead of a suit and giant tie, doesn't mean they aren't evil, dahrlings. 

Take, for instance, Mark Zuckerberg - or should I say Zukerchenko? Huh? The worldwide wunderkind has been defrocked to reveal what? A sleeper spy born in a Russian Petri dish and activated to infiltrate and destroy American porn stars. Is that it?

Take it from me, the guys with their fat fingers on their big buttons are wankers. They aren't the ones to worry about, Pumpkins. 

It's the sketchy techie data-collecting masterminds who have taken over the world. All hail the nerd! 

The Google knows all, dahrlings. All. They still send me to that large member site even though I gave it up years ago. (Notice I did not say 'membership'. I'll leave that with you to weigh.) 

And their algorithms? I can't tell you how many times I've tried to find that genre on Spotify. These guys are whip smart, Pumpkins. Whip smart.

Delete your Facebook account before it's too late!! The only app worth keeping is vodka delivery. And maybe the speedy weedy guy. And pizza. But beyond that, eradicate all electronic monitoring and data mining at its root! Mine diamonds, not data!

Ivanna Gabbalot

Ivanna Gabbalot Columnist

Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna touches topics others fear to tackle.




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