Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Open Jaw & Insert Foot

Pumpkins, it’s been an absolute fraternity since we’ve given out a coveted Open Jaw Insert Foot Award. But fear not! Etihad has opened its maw so wide, you could park a whole Airbus in there in addition to a foot.

The airline has produced a full feature 5 min. Hollywoodesque movie starring academy award winning actress Nicole Kidman!! The opus is described as “a culmination of Etihad’s vision to tell the airline’s story”. I just love a culmination, Pumpkins. And who does not want to stay up past their bedtime to hear an airline story?

Apparently, each scene in the film takes us “on a theme intended to stimulate the senses of light, sound, motion, and conversation.” Whoa, hold the phone, Spielberg. Themes. Nice. And I love the whole senses of conversation and motion and such. Very stimulating.

Are these people sniffing jet fuel, Pumpkins?

But if that isn’t enough auto-adulation to go blind from, the congratulations keep mounting to a babbly crescendo. And I quote: “The film demonstrates how we continue to break down the barriers of convention and lead the way in intelligent communication and best practice not just within the aviation industry, but across the fields of marketing, communication and technology.”

What about world peace? Is there world peace? How about a cure for pushing the boundaries of pompous self-aggrandizing flapdoodle?

But I would be remiss if I didn’t give a footsy shout-out to the many media who grabbed hold of this effluvium and floated it to their newsletters as though it were, well … news. No doubt after a long ethical debate about the role of journalism in travel. 

Never mind, dahrlings. I'm going to film myself now packing a suitcase and have to plan the many transfixing themes my story will tell.

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