Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

My device is charging

I love the fact that airlines are installing AC outlets right at your seat, Pumpkins. You see, I travel with a number of devices (what used to be quaintly called marital aids) and I like to have them charged and ready for whenever the urge for a mile-high solo moment strikes me.

But the carriers may be rethinking their largesse, dahrlings, because frankly, there’s a lot of low watt undesirables flying these days who are not utilizing the outlets for the intended purpose.

Like the guy who is suing DY because he burned his hand on the e-cigarette he was charging in the seat pocket in front of him. Why is he suing? Because the crew didn’t tell him he was being an idiot.

Of course the outlets are there for people to charge their phones and tablets so they can be distracted from how deeply uncomfortable they are due to the fact that the average North American is now larger than the space allocated to them. (As clever little Rick Mercer calls the on air squeeze: Lap Class)

It’s no wonder everyone – including the phones – are overheating (take my Samsung Note 7…please) and all hell is breaking loose.

My solution, dahrlings? Let’s bring back smoking on planes. There’ll be less air rage from addicts and the blue pall will cleverly cover up anything else that might be smoking.


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